Not being ready or being around someone who is not ready can bring up anxiety and fear. Or at least, that is my experience.
When we are not ready but “should be”, it can feel like a newly formed butterfly, not still protected by the chrysalis but not yet flying. In fact, our wings at this stage are wet and useless.
The appropriate response (patience, waiting, calm) is often not the first response available to us in that moment. (Amirite?)
I have noticed that the safer the habitat, the easier it is to stay calm and patient. I do spend quite a lot of time creating a safe place for me and my family to land.
And I still feel anxiety and fear sometimes when I need to wait on myself or anyone to be ready for something — whether it’s a “milestone” or putting on a warm coat before heading out. Or simply waiting for someone to heal.
Sometimes it can be helpful to grab a pen or pencil and a piece of paper and label what you are feeling. Not a novel - one or two words.
The labeling shifts your brain’s focus from the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex, helping us to move from fear and anxiety to a more measured place. You can then analyze, practice vigilance, and think more symbolically. You’re also aware that these emotions are universal, you’re not the first or last person to feel them, and, as a social animal in community, you’ve got this.
It’s also, basically, self compassion.